Food Toxicology: Everything you eat will kill you. Sorry.

So as I mentioned in my last post, one of the classes I am taking this semester is Food Science. Now this class is unique in that it is split up into three separate sections. I am not going to bother looking up the other two, but the first section is Food Toxicology.

Now, first things first, this professor literally looks like he's going to keel over at any second, if not that he should already have keeled over. While pacing and postulating back and forth across the lecture hall, pausing at points to change the transparency on the projector ( I don't think he knows what a computer is, but I do believe he fears it is but one of many signs of the upcoming apocalypse,) I consistently believe that there is no possible way he will be able to turn around an make it back to the projector before he falls to the ground dead. Yes he is that old. So as he tries to "teach" the class, I am constantly distracted by the thought that if he doesn't die of old age, he will die of some form of cancer, or one of the many "carcinogens" he is teaching us about.

That being said, from what I can grasp from this class so far, absolutely every food you've ever eaten, yes, even that super healthy protein shake you just had as part of that new diet you're trying, contains "carcinogens", or toxins that will give you cancer and you will die. Or at least that's what the Professor keeps saying. It's only under questioning, or as a brief side-statement, will he drop the fact that in fact these "carcinogens" are pretty much omnipresent in everything, but in fact require huge, almost nonsensical amounts, in order to actually give you the cancer he describes.

He also has talked previously about food adulteration, and how every food you've ever been eaten was most likely at one point in time tampered with by the company that produced it, in order to aid their money making agenda. He then mentioned briefly that this was mainly in the early 1900's and our food now is watched to make sure that it isn't tampered with. For the most part.

This man clearly strikes me as a cynic, and I believe it is this quality that has kept him out of the grave for so long. He has perhaps sworn off all food, and merely now drinks the blood of the purest unicorns in order to keep his flesh alive. But that is neither here nor there. The reason I am writing this post in particular is due to the grim scenario he displayed in class today.

Today's topic for the most part was teratogenesis, or birth defects. After showing a few slides, with some studies that I couldn't really copy down in detail (which I brought upon myself, due to not buying the course packet. Fight the power,) he then proceeded to show about 20 different pictures of rats and monkeys with birth defects. Really.... just..... great stuff.... I really, and I mean, really appreciated teratogenesis after I saw that one deformed rat fetus, that looked more like a chicken nugget, and reminded me of one of those chicken tenders I had for lunch today. Really, an eye opener.

It's probably just me, but I like to look at the upside of things. I am an optimist, and prefer to live in blissful ignorance or at least blissful ignoring things that I know I don't have any control of. So when this professor comes up and starts talking about carcinogens and teratogenesis and about how some carcinogens aren't actually carcinogens, but the second you have something else along with that carcinogen, you're basically going to be a walking tumor, I can't help but get annoyed. I don't want to hear about this. I just want to go grab a cheeseburger, maybe a double cheeseburger, no, probably a double cheeseburger, and go about my business. It's classes like this, and movies like Super Size Me that just annoy me. I mean, don't get me wrong, knowledge is power and all that, but I also believe that there are somethings that the general public is just better off not knowing.

For example, what happens to cows in processing factories is enough to turn any red blooded American steak eating male into a vegetarian. Best thing to do is to just turn a blind eye in my opinion. I mean sure, if someone really wants to know what exactly is in their Happy Meal, let 'em have it. They're asking. But for me? Just put it in the wrapper, put the wrapper in the bag, give me the bag, and let me eat it. I think now-a-days people put too much stock in knowing everything, and being healthy. Being fortunate by having good genes and a quick metabolism, I can pretty much eat whatever I want and be fine. I'm often referred to as the "skinny fat kid" by at least one of my friends. Bully for me, but I also believe in balance. You've got to work out, or at least go for a run if you're gonna eat fast food. It's that simple. And it really grinds my gears when someone comes along with yet another 400 page study detailing the horrific side effects that will come to dominate your daily life, by driving to your nearest burger joint and picking up some food on the go.

WE GET IT. FAST FOOD = BAD.

Everywhere I go someone is telling me, or has posted a nifty sign, about what constitutes a "good" diet. Bite me. If I want a burger, I'm gonna eat a god damn burger. And if I don't go for a run to make up for it, I'll accept the consequences. NOW SHUT UP. I can go on and on. But I fear I've already rambled too far from my original point, being that gross pictures of fetuses and telling you everything you eat is going to give you cancer, is a pretty dumb way to teach a class. Maybe soon I'll give you a rather long rant about how they don't give us full sized cheeseburgers at the Dining Commons anymore, and instead force little Sliders upon us. If you're lucky right?

Jim. Out.