My Thoughts: Tattoos

"Hey nice tattoo."

"Thanks!"

"Yeah I've got a bitchin' tat of an Eagle soaring across my back."

"REALLY?!"

"No."

And just like that a blog post was born. I'm standing around watering at work today, when I notice, and decide to comment upon a co-worker's tattoo. I then proceeded to bamboozle my co-worker with a fabrication, which clearly worked. And it got me thinking.

Who would ever want an eagle soaring across their back?!

I mean, I get it. Tattoo's are a way for someone to represent something they feel they need to represent at all times, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And when it's something like a family motto, or a cross, I get it. You like your family and you like Jesus. Hey, fine by me.

But then you come across people who have chinese characters, and tribal tattoos, and you think to yourself, "Well maybe he spent some time immersed in another culture." If that is the case, then awesome, but 99% of the time, that person is a douche. To be clear, I'll define douche as a person who is fake to the point where they compel others to dislike them. I mean, you can walk up to tons of jacked bro's out there with their little tribal tat's going around their biceps, and say, "Sweet tat man, what is it?" to which they'll respond, "Thanks bro/dude, it's tribal." Ask them what tribe. Please. If not only to get their best, "Uhhhhhhhhhh" face, then to publicly decry them for the douche they are.

If you have a good reason for getting a tattoo, like if you and your best friend get matching tattoos of something that bonds you two forever or whatever, power to you. If you're obsessed with something to the point where you feel it needs to be permanently etched into your skin, just don't go too big, and you're cool. And if you're in the Armed Services or something and get your unit tattoo'd on you, you're golden. But when you take off your shirt to reveal a giant majestic eagle/other animal, a tribal tattoo of any sort, or worst of all a tattoo of any sort on the small of your back (a.k.a. a tramp stamp) you're just begging for people to think less of you. It's like introducing yourself to someone for the first time by telling them you never tip anyone ever. Horrible first impression.

If you have to do it, make sure you can't live without it, because even with most of these new laser and chemical removal options, you're gonna leave some sort of mark, that you'll remember forever. If it's just a little something that you can hide by wearing a t-shirt, or pants, and makes you feel good when you see it reflected back at you, great. But just don't fall into the trap of putting something on you that has nothing to do with you. Tribal tattoo's don't count as "artistic expression." It's just lines. Put at different angles from other lines. It's dumb.

So save for Jesus, Mottos, or something with immense symbolic meaning that you hold dear, I'd sleep on it. And maybe sleep on it again. But if you have to get ink permanently inscribed into your flesh, just keep it classy, because the second you show someone your tattoo, and you hear, "Ohh... It's.... nice?" You've screwed up.