Helpful Hints Vol. 2: How to Erase Your 7 Page Paper and Still Not Erase It

Let me take you back about 12 hours now.


A young man has been working on a 5 page research paper with an annotated bibliography for about 7 hours. He has been killing it. He's drank a Monster, and he doesn't even know what Facebook is. When he's not typing away listening to classical music, he's on Google Books, reading research. 


That's it. He's finished. It's a miracle! All that's left to do is copy and paste the bibliography from one word document into the other, and it's a done deal! 3:40 AM? Not bad at all.


But wait! It's 3:40 AM! He confuses one document for another! He closes a document... NO! Sweet baby Jesus; No! What has he done!? All his work! His research! His paragraphs! His footnotes! WHY!?!?!?!

Hi, my name is Jim Redding. That young man was me. I know what you're saying to yourself. "How're you still alive? How did you re-write your paper? What gave you the mental fortitude?" True, there was about 20 solid minutes there where I was absolutely convinced that I had one option: my untimely demise. But let me walk you through the 4 Steps of Post-Deletion Grief, or PDG as I believe the clinical term is called.

Step 1: Disbelief.

No way. I definitely saved it. I had to have. Right? Everyone saves right?.There's no way I didn't save it. NO. I know! I'll just turn off the computer, open Word, and it'll be there waiting!

It should be noted that it took me a solid 20 minutes with my head pounding on my table to get my computer back up. 1st time I restarted it, it tried to check my disk. There was absolutely no time for those shenanigans. Also, it helps if you pray to RoboJesus. I did. Jesus just wasn't cutting it. I mean really, what does he know about computers? He's a carpenter.

Step 2: Anger

It's not there. I opened Word, and it's not there. !@#$%^&^%$#%$#@#$%$#@#$%$#@!@#$%^$#@!@#$#@$%$# THIS IS ^%$#@%^%#@$%^%$#@#$#$#@#$%$#.

This is not a fun time.

Step 3: Remember the Power of being a Nerd.

You've been training your whole life for this. You've been on a computer since kindergarten in one form or another. You can do this. YOU HAVE THE POWER.

Fact: When you're a nerd, you've got options. Now I knew there were temporary files, only problem was I didn't know how to open them. I was weak of heart and downloaded some backward mal-ware installing program that said it could read .tmp files. I did have the constitution of mind to not let it download most of it's other crap on my computer. I mean does anyone really want Yahoo Toolbar installed? No. But I bet most people have it and five other obscure bars, because they don't realize during those things that say "Quick Install" or "Custom Install" you should always pick "Custom." Anyway, after realizing that the product was absolute crap, I turned to sweet, sweet Google. I literally typed in "how to find temporary files for word documents" and hit search. Digging around I found that you can force Word to open those Temporary files. Better yet, there's another file type called .asd, or AutoSave Document. After searching "My Computer" for those file types, (search *.asd) I found a recent file, forced Word to open it, and Bam-za-dam, you've got your file back, or at least the last auto-save of it.

Step 4: Thank your lucky stars, and for the love of god SAVE THE DAMN FILE.

Heavy breathing followed by collapse. And tweeting.

Pretty self explanatory. Realize that you got lucky. So lucky. Realize that the Save button shall now be clicked every two minutes, like clockwork. Clock. Work.

For a solid half an hour last night, I thought my heart was going to explode, I was going to have to re-write a 5 page research paper, I was going to kill myself, or a combination of all three. It is not a pleasant experience, and I wish it on no one. However if this horrible catastrophe happens to you, follow my guide, or worst case scenario send me a message. I've been there. To Hell and back. I survived, and so can you.

Godspeed fellow writers. Godspeed.

The Bizarre Dreams of Jim Redding

Okay so I just woke up from a dream. It started as I was a little kid going on a walking tour of Amherst as a grade school field trip with my roommate Andy. Then somehow it wasn't Amherst but the road that I get off Route 2 onto to get to Amherst, but it was still the place we were supposed to be. Now in reaity this is just a long stretch of road with some gas stations, a batting cage, a mini golf course, and an ice cream shop on it. Those were all there albeit on a much smaller scale. Also, this outdoor road somehow ended up in some kind of mall food court. But there were only two places in it, and one guy working the two places. It just so happened that my friend Beckett was said guy. Apparently we could only order after getting selected. By this time I was the right age again. Beckett's first pick was my friend Brian who I had apparently been standing next to the entire time. The menu options were only chicken cutlet sandwiches. After Brian ordered I got picked next. But now the menu options were only roast beef sandwiches. I remember I thought about getting two roast beefs, and a small soda, cause I'd just refill it with water in the bubbler after. But I ended up ordering a double roast beef sandwich. With bacon. So as Beckett put this into the machine that produced the roast beef, a siren or something went off and everyone was looking at me wondering why I hadn't taken my tee shot yet. I was now Christopher Chance, the guy from Human Target, and I was on a golf course. I had never played golf before but I knew the basics and being this guy I was just naturally good at everything. So I step up to take my shot, which was now not my tee shot, but my approach shot, and I got it real close to the hole. Then as I turned my back to the hole, and put my club over my shoulder, and the view switched to a camera angle facing me as a mid-close up, where somehow you could see me and also see the ball, in focus, some long distance away, roll and roll and roll into the hole. It was a hole in one I guess. So then as I'm walking to get my ball, I started talking to Winston, Chance's partner on the show, over the radio, the view switched to him, and next thing you know, some random chick starts talking to him, he realizes she's packing heat, he yells and tells me the op is blown over the communicator, and then next thing I know he tackles me into a portal or something, then I think I saw zombies or something. The next thing I saw was my mom opening my door asking me if I had anymore laundry in my room. I told her I put it all by the laundry machine.

That last part actually happened, but the rest of it was just as real. If anybody can tell me what my dream meant, please, enlighten me. But as far as I can figure, sometimes a dream is just a dream.

The Power of the Internet

I’m sure absolutely everyone knows this by now, but in recent news there has been a homeless man, by the name of Ted Williams, who is the man with the golden voice. It’s really astounding. I first heard the story on Barstool Sports, and as charming as I thought it was, I thought this is just another great story that would fly under the radar. 

Fast forward 24 hours.

Twitter, Facebook, Digg, CNN, Fox News, ESPN; Everything is blowing up with news about this guy. It's incredible. I know my Mom hadn't heard about it until I told her, but of course I told her after I not only saw it on ESPN, but on their show Around the Horn. She then proceeded to tell all her friends about it. It's an immense boon to the human spirit to think that one video, one small little YouTube video, could get put up about a man who has fallen on hard times, and not much later he would be doing radio appearances, as well as getting job offers from sports organizations. I'll keep this short, but this is a shout out to everyone who saw this, and told someone about it. Whether you wanted to show someone how funny it was, or how talented he was, or just because you were bored. Whoever you are, you gave this guy a second chance in a world that isn't known for second chances. Good work. For every story they run on the news about how something bad went down, they eventually let one of these good ones seep through the cracks, and I'm glad that this is the story that everyone picked up on. Good job on being you, whoever you are.

Thanks for renewing my faith in the human race everybody.

Review: TRON: Legacy in IMAX 3D

I really don't even know what to say about this movie. You could say I was a fan of the original TRON, but then again it came out in 1982, and I probably saw it in 2002, so I was a bit behind the curve. Looking back at the trailer now, after having just seen the new visual masterpiece that was the sequel is like comparing a sleek new Ferrari 599 GTO to an old Ford Model T. Seriously, from the beginning of this movie all the way through the credits, this movie is stunning.

Now there are two things you should know if you have any sort of interest in this movie and I am here to report on both of them. One is the soundtrack. It is original music, entirely composed by Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter. Or as I like to refer to them as, Daft Punk. I am a huge Daft Punk fan, and from the very beginning of this movie, when the music starts bumping it is phenomenal. Being a movie set mainly in a digital world, the digital stylings of Daft Punk work perfectly. And while the music alone is good, this is where the IMAX theater comes in. The base literally shakes the seats. You feel the music, and it adds exponentially to the experience.

The other thing that you may have noticed from the commercials is the usage of computer generated effects to de-age Jeff Bridges 21 years. Now it's a little weird, and it takes a little getting used to, but after you do it's really a non issue. I mean, I've seen giant blue guys on screen and I think I dealt with that pretty nicely. I'll admit it's not the best work I've ever seen, but then again absolutely everything else in the movie is gorgeous so I am going to let it slide.

Also I just wanted to say, I really liked this movie. It's the nerdiness, the video game-ness, the music, the visuals, the whole she-bang-bang. The world created by the events and aftermath of the original presented a really cool sequel. Plus, I thought the acting was pretty good too. I really liked Olivia Wilde in the movie, but I think that's just because she actually showed some emotion, specifically happiness, as opposed to her role as the sullen, emotionally reserved 13 in House. The main guy, Garrett Hedlund was also pretty good too. And who doesn't love Jeff Bridges right? I'm not the best critic for acting but I thought it was enjoyable all around.

The ending could have been better. It left me a bit confused I guess. The movie was so sweet then the ending fell flat and it was just so odd. All in all, if you like Daft Punk, spectacular visuals, video games, and some sweet action Tron provides a good movie going experience. Definitely a must see for nerds of all ages. 9/10.

Now I'm off to buy the soundtrack! You should too! Hooray!

A list of Excuses for why I can't write my 10 page paper:

• I sprained my typing finger (right, middle) so I can't type it. Or write it.
• I was too busy watching a 7 hour cricket match between Bangladesh and Zimbabwe on ESPN3 on the xBox 360.
• I had to watch the latest Blamimation on PATV.
• I had to watch the one of the movies for the paper, that I should've watched two months ago.
• I had to watch the countless videos of John Mayer that Jake kept finding on YouTube.
• I had to listen to Jake play guitar.
• I had to check, double check, and triple check my See Friendships with random people on Facebook.
• I had to Tweet about how bad this paper was.
• I had to make incoherent babbling sounds.
• I had to write a dozen fake intros to the paper using slang and cuss words to describe the class.
• I had to delete those intros.
• I had to write how much I hated the class.
• I had to delete that too.
• Andy kept talking my ear off every time I wanted to start working.
• Seriously, he'd be all like, "Hey man stop going on Facebook and do your work." 
• What a chatty Cathy right? 
• He's such a jerk.
• I kept staring at our fish, Wendel for inspiration.
• The Christmas lights we use to light our apartment just make it too comfortable to entertain the thought of doing anything other then staring at their dull white glow....
• I had to throw my hat in the corner in disgust of how bad I'm doing at writing this paper.
• I had to moan about how my hat is now over in the corner and I want it back on my head.
• I had to moan about how I'm too lazy to go get it and Andy why won't you go get it for me I don't care if it's farther away from you just go get it I know it's my hat but c'mon please you're such a jerk I hate you why don't you love me fine I'll go get it jerk.
• I had to double check and see if Netflix works on the xBox.
• I'm thirsty and I can't work if I'm thirsty.
• Alright so I'm totally gonna do it, but I just gotta pick out some music to listen to.
• What time're the Pats on again? Oh I could totally just start it after. Okay fine I'll start it!
• Dude this song's really good. 
• Just sit back and listen man.
• Close your eyes and just go for it.
• I had to wonder if Kevin was having fun in class. Or wherever he is.
• I had to ask what was for dinner.
• I had to get yelled at.
• I had to ask Jake how his car ride was first.
• But seriously this is getting ridiculous, I'm gonna go start it.
• I had to write a blog about how I couldn't write it.
• I did write a blog about how I couldn't write it.

Ode to the Worst Class I've Ever Had The Displeasure of Taking

College is a wonderful place. There's plenty of opportunities, there's plenty of girls (or guys (if that's your thing)) to swoon over, and there's plenty of interesting classes you can take. Unfortunately, after the honeymoon that is most student's freshman year, in my case freshman and sophomore years, you settle down with a major, maybe a minor, and you have to take some classes that aren't so interesting.

Now I don't remember if I've ever gone into detail on my schooling and whatnot, but I'm now officially a Communications major here at the good ol' University of Massachusetts. I'm also unofficially an Education minor. It's a Catch-22 system, where you can't be a minor until you have completed all the courses, and it never tells you what courses you need to take online, because you are not a minor. It's a dumb and flawed system.

But what's more dumb and flawed is one of the classes that I've needed to take. Now I won't go into specifics of when I had to take this class, or which class it is specifically, but let me tell you about it. This class had a promising title, offering to teach us about international things, implying that the general scope would be scattered, you know, internationally. Turns out international, in this context, stands for "Africa, India, and China."

Now, I wouldn't mind studying Africa, India and China, except that's all we did. I was under the assumption that if our teacher was from Great Britain, we might actually take interest in the U.K. and Europe, but apparently I was mistaken. My Bad.

Anyways, this class was painful to go to. Not only did we have the class in a room that always had the heat blasting from 5 gigantic radiators, even during the fall when it was already high 70's, but the class was rarely taught by our actual teacher. Most of the time, we'd walk into class, and we'd have a guest speaker, talking about something irrelevant, and non-consequential to the class. Then a few times, we'd walk in to class only to find that all 8 of the TA's were going to parade up to the front of the class and tell us about all their time spent in the peace corps in, oh wouldn't you look at that! Africa. The few classes she actually taught? Yeah, she just stood up there and talked at us. It was painful.

So that's what happened from a "teaching" perspective for the first few classes. From a "student" perspective I did the following:

• Read a book
• Listened to my iPod
• Played PSP
• Played Trivia/Solitaire on my iPod
• Played Mahjong on my Laptop
• Read the Newspaper

There was no wireless in this building for some godforsaken reason. Who knows why. Perhaps they thought the heat would make us pass out before we tried to use it. Perhaps they were right.

I will take this time to tell you the sole, shimmering gem of wisdom I've gleaned from this class. Having all that time of sitting in class allows one to accomplish tremendous feats. I mastered the alphabet. Backwards. Yes. Through repetitive writing, and filling two pages of paper, I, Jim Redding, have conquered the alphabet both forwards and backwards. I feel accomplished. I also wrote a short screen play for a Star Wars spoof created by my bro-host Kevin and myself. We are thinking of selling it to Robot Chicken. They seem pretty cool.

After the Midterm Reviews, where everyone slammed her for having an awful class, she decided to merge the second and third papers of the class into one final paper. At this point I need to mention the discussion section of the class. The class only met once a week, with a discussion section immediately following the class itself. Two and a half hours of class purely on one subject is brutal, even in the best of classes. This was living in a hellish netherworld where time falls to a standstill and you are prodded with a pointy stick for what seems like eternity.

Now my TA was nice enough. Arguably too nice. Hailing from, oh weird, AFRICA (specifically Nigeria), she was all about being our friend, and us being buddies. So the first couple of classes, we'd go in, and instead of you know, having class, possibly getting through everything so we could get out early, we'd sit down, and have to find a neighbor and ask them, "How was your day?"

Cue the prodding.

This is the last place any of us wanted to be, and we were forced into niceties with strangers, that nobody really wanted to be there with. This eventually escalated into "Friendship Groups" which consisted of 5 people sitting around and asking each other how our days were. This was quickly replaced with us asking each other why they had made the horrible decision of taking this class.

This also might be a good time to note, while after the midterm beat-down, our teacher started teaching, and actually used PowerPoint, we weren't graded or tested upon anything we learned in class. The entire grading system is based on homeworks, done using readings provided to us online, and turned in to discussion. We took a few weeks off after we figured this out, skipping the class and blending in with the crowds as we filtered off to discussion. It was, unfortunately, all too easy, and still horrifically painful.

I have explained to you my rage, and agony I have experienced for participating in this class, but this does it no justice. Should you ever be in a similar position to that of my own, be wary of international classes. I beg of you. Should you ever stumble into a class where there is a promise of "International" and "Learning," be wary. Be very wary.

Lookout: The Lifesaver

So for those of you not in the know, I am the proud owner of the original Droid. It has been a most admirable companion, coming in clutch in many a situation. This past weekend however, we had a very close call.

Going out as some tend to do, on weekends, in college, I found myself walking home in the middle of the evening by my lonesome. Upon arriving home, I reached to check my trusty Droid only to find my right pocket man was not there. Surely my left pocket? Back pocket? Jacket pockets? Alas! My Droid was lost! After a moment of panic, the answer hit me as it so often does. Right in the face.

I bet you watch TV. I bet you see commercials. I will even go so far as to bet that you've seen more than one commercial about the Droid. Perchance you might have seen the Droid commercial about Lookout, Mobile Security. I too have seen this commercial, enough times for it to appeal to my paranoid side, that, "Hey, security is good! I should get some on my phone!" I've got to figure, we've got alarms on cars, anti-virus on computers, low-jack for both, why not on a phone? More importantly, why not on my phone?

As I made a mad dash the two feet from where I was standing to my laptop, I was questioned as to what I was doing. A quick explanation and some mad typing later, and I was on the Lookout website, logged in, and it was in the process of hunting down my phone. It hunted it down to within about 10 feet before I realized I knew exactly where I'd dropped it and set out on a quick jog to go get it. At last my Droid and I were reunited.

It was a scary 5 minutes, but once again, technology saved my ass. This is a PSA to all you smart phone users. I don't care if you're young or old, cause you're just as likely to drop your phone at a party as you are at a business meeting. Either way, Lookout helped me find my phone, and saved me the time and hassle, not to mention the money it'd take to replace my phone. So spend the 2 minutes it takes to find the App on your Droid or Blackberry or Windows Mobile, and save yourself hundreds of dollars and a boat load of stress. As for you iPhone users, maybe you can find a comprable app, but you dumbphone users are outta luck. Just another reason for everyone to get a Droid.

My name is Jim Redding and I approve this message.