Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Life and Times of Jacob Paul

A while back, I wrote a blog post and in the aftermath of it I received a request. This is that request.

Jacob Paul, lovingly called Kril by his friends, graduated the University of Massachusetts Amherst in the year 2012, shortly before the supposed "end of the world," with Magna Cum Laude honors, majoring in Political Science, and minoring in Education. The summer after his senior year in college was an eventful one, with numerous parties and trips with graduated friends. However, his habits of drinking and smoking entered into a downward spiral and when all his friends moved on to jobs, or returned to school, Kril was left to find solace in drugs. After almost a year of living in and out of homeless shelters, with no material possessions besides that of his trusty guitar, and the occasional bottle of alcohol, Kril cleaned himself up with the help and guidance of his friend, Jim Redding.

Seizing this new lease on life, Kril traveled to Canada, where he had spent some time during his year in filth, and tried out for Calgary Junior Hockey C League, where he was signed to a one year contract for the McKnight Mustangs, but this was only the beginning off his rise. Following a stellar season, filled with numerous apple and ginos, Kril was passed up from team to team, eventually coming to the pinnacle of the CHL, leading the Calgary Hitmen to one of their franchise best seasons, before getting picked up by the Boston Bruins. Kril lead the B's to 3 consecutive victories for the Stanley Cup over former teammates on the Canadiens, the team rival the Flyers, and the dominating prowess of the Penguins. Tragically in his fourth season, he received a career ending injury in the form of a skate to his right leg, cutting numerous muscles, and breaking his tibia, and fibula.

A shining star on the rise, Kril was left with money from contracts which would sustain him until he found a new line of work. Eventually moving down to Charlottesville, Virginia, seeking answers of what to do with his life in a place which gave a start to his long time idol, Dave Matthews. After finding a small apartment, and settling in, Kril began playing open mic night at a bar called Miller's. Months later, an aged and wisened Matthews, visiting the bar where he bartended in his youth, stumbled upon Kril and his musical abilities. Meeting his idol, a lifetime dream, would have satiated the now mature Kril, but when Matthews decided to jam with Kril, he thought it could get no better. He thought wrong.

Kril was subsequently invited to Matthew's personal studio, where he not only played on tracks for Matthews latest solo album, but was also aided by Matthews' guiding hand, and ear, in producing his first solo album. This album hit the top of the charts and stayed there for almost three months, putting Kril in the spotlight and attracting to him, his long time love interest, Miley Cyrus. They met in the studio, Cyrus being pulled in by Matthews to duet with Kril on one of the songs for his new album. They hit it off, and after a long period of courting, they became engaged in 2025, marrying shortly after.

Kril had finally made it. His idol, Dave Matthews; his long time crush, Miley Cyrus; And boatloads of cash from his years as an NHL and Musical superstar. He settled down with Miley and together they had three children, named after three of the most inspirational, and important people in Kril's life. Kril, Miley, and their children James, Megan, and David now live in L.A. where they attend private schools.

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